Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.

Predictions that came true:

Friday night was hard, Jacki does not seem to trust me after a brochure came through for a fishing holiday. Sent via Parkdean, and coupled with the recent fact I told her I had joined a choir a month afterwards, and she revealed that I had told Catherine first. So there was a lenghty discussion or arguement as I like to call it. I suppose the only good that came from it was that I told her I was feeling very depressed at the moment. Of course her not trusting me has basis in truth as I havn't mentioned the Councellor. But telling her I wam deepressed was a way of laying the ground work for me revealling it. I will probably tell her I have done some internet searching today and will make an appointment tomorrow to see one on Tuesday.

Jacki and Abi were busy doing packing for Yenworthy on Saturday. So I was left to my own devices, and managed to do some work, went to have a haircut, rang the kids, and my sister. So I suppose I should focus on this and be pleased that I actually acheived some things on my list.!

Still feeling pretty down though, Jacki did as I predicted and offered to go out for lunch, cinema, or dinner. None of which I was particularly happy or enthusiatic about doing. So to an extent I was right. I think we managed to have an ok time. Although I can tell that being around someone so depressed is wearing for her. She does tend to take it all so personally as if she is failing which makes it difficult to talk about.

So to today. Slept well on Friday, and last night and have woken with some level of motivation for a day on my own. Previously I probably would be counting the minutes till the off liscence opens and I can start drinking. Knowing that I can't do that as it would jeapodise my liscence reapplication I know I won't. How strange, knowing that I might loose my marriage never stopped me in the past.

Plans or goals for today. Behave normally, in my mind I have set myself an hour on each of my projects. Bot, Book and Dr Who illustration. Put on Radio 7 listen to some plays. Go out at lunch time and by some sensible food, actually cook and eat. Get some sweets for the possibility of trick or treaters visiting rather than sit in the dark ignoring them.

Will let you know what is achieved!